This post is something that I’m not used to writing about. But I really want to share with you something from my heart. To show the other side of me.
I’d like to tell you how I deal with negative emotions and how self-compassion helps me to fight through.
The self-healing process is ugly af. It’s not about pretty rose face masks, bubble baths, and all the basic self-care.
In my experience, this is quite ugly. In the moments of mental breakdowns, my mind and heart go crazy. I can’t control it. The feeling of the awful anxiety takes over.
And it’s hard to breathe. And then… I just suddenly stop, i don’t feel it anymore… The mind is empty. That’s the moment when I need the most compassion from myself to myself.
What I try to do at this moment is to forgive myself. I always feel guilty for feeling bad cause I’m taught that I ‘should’ spend every second of my precious life being happy.
But ahh, life is not like that. Is it even real life when you’re always happy? No, it’s not.
So, I attempt to remind myself:
– I’m a human being. I feel things because I am alive. I have a beautiful heart that feels things. I’m grateful to have it as well as my feelings, both good and negative ones. I forgive myself that at the moments of crying I forget this. I forgive myself for feeling and thinking about awful things. Things that I would never wish to feel anyone on the earth. I forgive myself because I’m already forgiven by a higher love.
Yes, I don’t say these things always. I wish I did it more often. But I’m practicing. And with every time, it gets better. Just a little patience…
Forgiving myself has become a habit of mine. I forgive myself that I didn’t get done everything I wanted today. I did everything I could. Tomorrow is another wonderful day to finish my work. I’m proud of myself.
I forgive myself that I was rude to my friend today. She didn’t deserve it. I love her. And tomorrow I’ll be nicer and tell her I love her by small gestures.
I forgive myself that I hated myself today. I forgive myself that I had terrible thoughts about what it would be like if I died. It’s awful. But I forgive myself because my love is stronger than any negativity. And I deserve to give it to myself as well as I give it to others.
This has sunk deep into my subconscious. The feeling of forgiveness to myself was the first step in my path to self-compassion.
When I forgive others
When I forgive myself
- practice self-compassion
Peace of mind
I’m being compassionate to myself by protecting my peace. Because with peace of mind comes real joy and happiness.
I try not to let anything bad affect it, even something that excites me in a good way.
Why? Cuz I keep there a pure thought of who I really am. And I don’t want anything to change it.
One self-care thing helps me with this: leave the life of social media on social media.
I unsubscribed everyone and everything who wasn’t spreading any kindness and positive vibes. You know these people who just ALWAYS complain or say on the Internet that they hate everything including themselves and all this stuff?
I don’t judge them. I just found that they don’t serve me in any way. They don’t even entertain me this way.
So my self-compassion act here be like: I want the inspiration from the time I spend on the Internet. I want to see the other way of life, a better one and strive for it. I need this assurance that I have something good to strive for. I reject everything that could doubt it.
It doesn’t only touch social media. The real life too. I refuse to spend my energy on something or someone that could destroy my peace.
Even if I physically can’t get rid of it, I try to do it emotionally. I remind myself that I have my own truth, my own path, my own heart filled with love and that this thing just will not matter anyway after some time.
That’s hard at first. But everything requires patience and practice.
Love and accept my entire being
“With acceptance comes love”
I don’t know where I’ve seen this quote or I invented it hahah, but it feels more like self-love. Basically, it is. With self-compassion comes self-love.
And it is not about thinking that I’m ugly and that I should think that I’m beautiful. No. It’s something deeper.
I’m trying to accept and love all that is me. Accept all of the emotions I feel. Accept all of the thoughts of mine. Accept every part of my body and soul that make me ‘me’.
I accept myself and I’m ready to love my entire self. I’m willing to take better care of myself because I love and accept myself.
I accept and love my entire self. That is what I should do more.
What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself
The value of myself
This is the hardest thing for me on my path tbh. I’m just getting the hang of my self-worth. One moment I know that I deserve my dream life and I am able to move the oceans. And the next, I question everything if it’s really like that.
It could be simply self-doubt or low self-confidence on which I work hard too. But I think it’s actually the problems of self-worth.
I know I deserve the finest things and life because I’m willing to work for them. I know I deserve love, a lot of love. I know I deserve to be happy, and wealthy, and loved, and accepted.
Some things sometimes leave me questioning it. But self-compassion helps. It helps me to walk away from everything that doubts my worth. It helps me to LEARN this worth.
Every day, I’m being kind to myself by reminding me:
– I’m a light in a human form. I can give so much love and share this light with the world. And I deserve to take it too. I deserve to have what I want because I’m willing to work for it. I deserve to have true love because I can love truly. I deserve to be happy because I want to make other people happy too. I deserve to live because I have a lot to give to this world.
Let the emotions out
I’m slowly learning to be vulnerable. Not to be this hard rock that doesn’t feel anything. Yeah, toughness is needed to survive. But not in this case.
I’m learning to stop bottling up all of my emotions. I let them be and feel them to the extreme. When I’m angry I’m angry so much to the point when I’m not anymore. Yeah, it could go away anyways later. But I wanted it to go sooner. So every emotion, usually a bad one, I feel so much so that it just ends and leaves my mind open for better things.
I learned that when I feel like crying I need to cry, even in public. My body wants me to cleanse it. My heart wants me to get rid of anything in it that makes me want to cry.
Then I feel better by talking to someone or writing everything down. I show compassion to myself by letting me feel everything without feeling guilty or embarrassed. It makes me feel better about myself eventually.
Ahh, this is my main issue. But thank stars that it is smaller now than it used to be. Before I started to learn my self-worth and how to nurture myself with my love I compared myself with every living thing.
But I forgive myself because now I’m in a better place. Now I know that I have so much love and light in me and it makes me unique and beautiful in my own way. I can’t be compared to anyone because I’m my truest authentic self. I can’t even compare my past self to my present or future self. It doesn’t matter if I was worse or better. Now I have changed. That is what matters.
Compassion here lies in the mindset that nurtures and gives confidence to truly shine and brighten the world.
Ayy I love those! Sometimes they do nothing to my mood. But there are times when I say something to myself and I’m ready to shatter the earth! That’s incredible!
Usually, I make them up the very moment I need it. I also have some learned by heart. Sometimes I write pep-talks down to read them later. And sometimes I just look at the sky and feel all the things, all the thoughts about infinite and the goosebumps go through my entire body it feels like angels are touching me and I feel so powerful and good and happy and incredibly inspired that no pep-talk could ever do the same!
I love moments like that. Good words remind me of my worth which is actually an act of kindness and compassion to myself.
Give myself what I need not what I want
Here lies a challenge for me. Too often I indulge in the things that hurt me and my body. And it is not compassionate. Like simply eating fried food instead of healthy when I have the choice.
And here actually is where constant forgiveness is wrong. I won’t be fine if I just say something like “oh, ok. anyways I’ll forgive myself and it’ll be fine” and keep eating chips, even tho I know I’ll feel sick and end up in the toilet lmao.
But you know, when you ask the Universe and God for something but end up not getting it, it is a simple stroke of luck. Sometimes what we want is not what we really need. And by that, I mean that I’m trying to prevent myself from doing the things that I know will harm me, even though they feel good.
My self-compassion here is to keep myself away and protect myself and my body from something that I do not need and can be easily happy without it (like eating an apple instead of fries, but it’s so hard haha)
Becoming my own biggest fan
There’s so much love and compassion and kindness to yourself when you’re cheering yourself up. Similar to pep-talks. Something like “hey, I did a lot today. im so great! and im excited for tomorrow”.
I’m learning to talk to myself how I would talk to a friend. I would never tell him/her that they’re terrible and the work they did is not enough and blah blah blah. No. I would be proud of them. Because it might be that it was hard for them. So anything that I can do is to cheer them up.
The same should go to my own self. Talking to myself as if I talked to strangers, loved ones, dearest pets is such a beautiful act of self-compassion! I love that…
Self-compassion is the base of self-love, self-confidence, and all the crucial self-things. I’ve started my path to mastering it. And honestly, I’m proud of myself. And I’m excited about the things at the end of the road because I know I’ll keep working hard to get them.
I know a lot of people are going through the same thing. And if you are, I’d be really and really happy to hear your story and how you cope with it. Feel free to comment down below or text me on my Instagram self-care page (the link at the top of my blog).
I hope you have a beautiful day as well as life,
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